so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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