the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
