did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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