I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
