With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
