Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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