I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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