Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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