He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got inside last night via doggy door
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
