New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
