i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
