holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
