i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
