I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
