Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
