is your mom at the bar?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
