there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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