I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize