I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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