we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
