I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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