Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Terrible idea I love it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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