DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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