Swine flu. Run for my life!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
