My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
