I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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