The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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