In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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