i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My vagina is officially offended.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
