We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
