people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
