I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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