perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
