You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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