am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
