Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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