it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
