Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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