Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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