Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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