All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
