i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize