at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
