you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
