just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
