You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I checked into jail on foursquare
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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