When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
