apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
