yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
