Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
