is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
