I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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