I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
