im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
