I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.