Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??