oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
