you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though