rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
