the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
