My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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