Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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