After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
