I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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