I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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