This is not my ceiling
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
