Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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