The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
