Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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