here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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