i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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