Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
