Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize